i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
the gays at disneyland are vicious
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize