there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
