I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize