Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
