There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
