the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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