my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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