Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
