Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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