At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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