Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
