I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
and she was petting her beer can
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
