Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
