There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
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