I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize