Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
