you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
