I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
