yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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