you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Randomize
