oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
