My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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