TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
