So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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