did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
