The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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