is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
