It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
