I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize