One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize