Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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