I'd wear matching sweaters with you
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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