people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
