So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
