Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
