You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Randomize
