I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Girls should come with a carfax report
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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