My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
