I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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