I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
