I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
