i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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