So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
that may or may not have been my penis.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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