So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
