all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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