Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
