Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
