i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
