she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Terrible idea I love it
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
