I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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