she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize