just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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