Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
please come you make the beer taste better
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
