Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
