One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
