I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
