respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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