pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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