There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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