No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
