Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
