Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
