it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
