Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
