I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
