Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
