My sheets look like a crime scene.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
whose ass print is on the piano?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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