if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
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